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Getting To 50 Isn't What It Is Cracked Up To Be

3/9/2024

 
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During 2012, there were a ton of people and of course a few celebrities that turned 50. And once again in 2013, there will be several million boomers who will see 50 during the coming 12 months. Since 50 is a milestone for nearly all, perhaps once there, it isn't all that was promised.  And in a recent article, the writer Donna Sapolin outlines the worst things about getting to be 50 and how one might be able to create plans to circumvent the challenges.

Here is the story from the website: NextAvenue. 
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On the upside, growing older means you’ve accumulated a good deal of experience and wisdom as well as an abundance of instructive and entertaining stories. But there’s a sharp downside, too. Take action now to make sure that the challenges below don’t end up defining your second and third acts.
 
1. You’re closer to the end.Planning for the end of life — your own and that of your elder loved ones — is more urgent than ever before. Not doing so may mean enduring costly medical measures that prolong life without sustaining its quality and burdening others with agonizing decisions based on guesswork.
 
Solution: Have end-of-life conversations with family members soon, fill out the legal documents that make your medical wishes and estate management affairs clear and analyze long-term care insurance options.
 
2. Regrets? You’ve got more than a few. You’ve lived long enough to feel bad about thingsyou should and shouldn’t have said or done. Maybe you hurt someone; failed to live up to your own expectations and talents, or to support those of others; lost contact with or neglected people you care about; didn’t visit places you wanted to see; let big dreams go unfulfilled and key opportunities slip.
 
Solution: Recognize that it’s not too late to change course: You can still make amends, effectively express true feelings, explore new places, connect with old friends and make new ones. Write down a list of key regrets and take a small step each day to tackle one or more things on it. Little steps are meaningful in and of themselves but they likely will lead you to even bigger ones, perhaps even leaps.
 
Get outside your normal routine and comfort zone — sign up for classes to learn new skills and perspectives, use Facebook and LinkedIn to contact people from your past, call and visit others and look into online dating. Ask for forgiveness and forgive others. If you need support, seek out therapists, career coaches and other experts who can help you tackle the things that are holding you back.
 
3. Your youthful looks are fading. Self-worth, relationships, even employment opportunities can take a beating from changes in appearance that come with age.
 
Solution: Cultivate things that fuel inner beauty, a quality that actually grows more powerful with time and experience. Pin down ways you can extend more kindness to family, friends, colleagues and total strangers. Start by thinking about what a loving, open heart really means and how you can translate your strengths or develop new ones to instruct, mentor and support others.
 
4. Your body is slowing down. Aches and pains, memory lapses, reduced energy, loss of libido and other physical issues arise as your body expresses natural, age-related changes and the results of a lifetime of not-so-healthy eating habits and a sedentary and stressful lifestyle.
 
Solution: Get moving any way you can, preferably in a way that feels fun — stretch, run, walk,swim, alone or with a group. Eat more foods that provide the ideal nutrients for this stage of adulthood, including vitamin D3 and omega-3s. Adopt proven strategies for getting more anddeeper rest and participate in deliberate brain-strengthening games and exercises.
 
5. You’re losing your sense of purpose. The things that once provided satisfaction and fulfillment have undergone significant shifts, from your career to the quality and amount of time spent with children, friends, mates and colleagues. As a result, your world feels smaller and days seem more routine.
 
Solution: Challenge yourself to learn new things — enroll in online classes or a community college certificate program. Take up a hobby, like knitting, fishing, ballroom dancing or piano; consider individual or group lessons. Join a book, wine or supper club. Explore faith-based communities. Volunteer — give your time and donate money to your community and to causes you believe in.
 
6. Your career feels as if it’s coming to a close. You feel at risk of losing your job. Or perhaps you already have and finding a new position has proven difficult.
 
Solution: Size up the signals at your present place of employment and be willing to learn new skills, make lateral moves, collaborate with younger people, work flex hours or part-time, even accept a pay cut. But also be open to  an entirely new direction — volunteer in a different field, network, take classes. Consider launching your own business and gaining the know-how you’ll need to succeed.
 
7. You haven’t saved enough to quite see you through. Given the soaring costs of heath care, prospective changes to Social Security and Medicare and the hits your retirement accounts have taken, your nest egg is likely not going to cover your basic needs down the road — much less travel and other special experiences you had your heart set on.
 
Solution: Apply an ax to your expense structure and save more. Meet with a debt expert to develop strategies for reducing the amount you owe and hire a financial adviser to analyze your assets and goals to help you devise a savings plan.
 
8. You’re caring for sick relatives, at your own expense. This overwhelming, if loving, task is rapidly depleting your emotional and financial resources and may be compromising your health, too.
 
Solution: Ask family members, neighbors, friends and your faith-based community for help, join support groups, download caregiving apps and turn to other caregiving technology that can ease your load, reduce stress and allow you to address your own needs more often.
 
9. You're going to get lost in the crowd. You’ll be advancing through the second state of adulthood at the same time as many millions of others. If things proceed along present lines, there won’t be enough doctors, professional caregivers or other medical support personnel to deliver the needed care. Our cities, homes and caregiving facilities are also not equipped to handle the "silver tsunami" and ease the challenges of aging.
 
Solution: Join your generation in doing what it has always done — be innovative. Gain an understanding of what needs to be done and what’s being discussed and proposed in your town and county as well as on the national level. Support community advocacy groups and participate in appeals to political leaders.

Aging In Place That Is Just Right and Just Wright

12/19/2023

 
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When we think about Frank Lloyd Wright, what often comes to mind is his use of natural materials in geometric shapes, stylized details fashioned in horizontal lines, cantilever roofs that seem to float in space and the use of art glass as light screens.

And for one couple in Rockford, Ill. who contacted Wright in 1948, they got what they wanted from Mr. Wright : cypress interiors, large expanses of glass, built-in furnishings plus one important added detail on found in this Wright residence: a home that would accommodate the couple so they might age in place. 


And so for Ken Laurent, a paraplegic and his wife Phyllis, they have aged in place in this beautiful place for some 57 years. 

The Laurents have had the opportunity to be the occupants and caregivers for this Wright home since they started building it in 1951. What a treasure for them.  The house is one of Wright’s Usonian (or no-frills) homes and the only home the world-famous architect designed for a person in a wheelchair. 

In addition to all the other standard elements of a Wright-designed building, the Laurents also got a home that was built on a single level, one with wider doors, a flowing but deep loggia and a master bedroom that is larger than most Wright bedrooms.

The couple has lovingly cared for this home but at 90, it is time for the couple to move to a place where they can receive the kind of assistance they need at this time of their life.  So the house went up for sale at $875,000 early this year. 


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But even though there was a lot of special interest from architecture fans and from Wright enthusiasts all over, the home sold this week in an online auction for $578,000 to a preservation group that will convert it into a museum.  Wright once called it one of his favorites; he even tried to hire away the Rockford-based general contractor.

Make A Few Simple Changes Before Being Faced With The Consequences

7/19/2023

 
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As we age, life can present all sorts of challenges and consequences.  And if there is one thing that I have learned in my practice of design for more than three decades is that you can never plan for all the challenges that life will deal you.  But you can create a "safety" net that will help cushion some of the consequences and ease the challenges when you come face to face with them.

One is just starting to think more strategic and forward thinking.... like designing a home with more safety features.  Certainly one can add a grab bar to a shower but there are many more opportunities to do create safe and secure spaces.  Here are five top ideas that can make spaces more safe and secure by addressing the exterior spaces first....

(1) Start outdoors.  Place at least one set of house numbers where they can be very easily read by emergency personnel.  Imagine the frustration by police, fire or ambulance drivers who can't find the one house they have been called to.  And in such cases, time matters. 
(2) Create a defined path to the front or main door that anyone - no matter age or ability - can navigate. Make it level and flat when possible.  If the topography doesn't permit that, don't fall back to just building wooden ramps.  Build walkways and paths thru the use of landscape features to raise the approach to the main entry door. And by the way, one foot rise for every twelve feet of path will be just right.
(3) Make sure there is plenty of lighting around the entry areas and above.  Install a secondary set of lights to back up the main lighting fixtures because you never know when those light bulbs may go out,.. plus it's better to have more lighting in those critical areas and doing so will increase your home's security. 
(4) Install two peep holes in the main doors... one at a standard height about 5 foot above the floor and a second one at 30" above the floor.  Why?  Imagine the ability to see someone who might be crouching and up to no good. Better to be safer than sorry.  
(5) And a final thought,... in addition to a standard door knocker or door bell, install a wireless door bell system that can be heard from the main bedroom area. They are less than $30 at the big box lumber stores. That's a cheap price for such additional security.  

Senior Summit in OKC A Great Success

8/16/2012

 
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Presenters: Pat Darlington, Kay Stewart and John Harned
Oklahoma County has more than 110,000 citizens over the age of 60 and local organizations and country government recently stepped up to support and provide options to their large elder population.  This week, the United Way of Central Oklahoma, AARP Oklahoma, the Oklahoma State Homebuilders Association and the Oklahoma County Government sponsored a Senior Summit to provide information, knowledge and options to more than 100 seniors in attendance. 

By all accounts, it was a great success. The feedback provided by those seniors clearly indicated that living in a home of their own choosing was at the top of the list. 

Break out sessions with the seniors gave the organization leaders great feedback on what might be on their minds and what just might be needed to take care of this significant group of Oklahomans.  While concerns about the deterioration of local neighborhoods, home maintenance and public transportation were clearly indicated, the majority also stated that being in their own home was top of mind, especially if certain modifications could be made that would increase the level of comfort, security and safety. Wider doors, bathroom safety, energy efficiency and elevating dishwashers were options the seniors stated would be in their list of preferences.
 

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Christi Jernigan and Blair Schoeb
Hosted by Ray Vaughn, Chair of the Board of Oklahoma County Commissioners, several speakers offered a variety of housing and home environments, from assisted living to co-housing to updating a home for a lifetime.  Kudos go to Blair Schoeb, Senior Vice President at United Way of Central Oklahoma, Mike Means, the executive director of the OK State Home Builders Association, Sean Voskuhl, the State Director of AARP Oklahoma and Christi Jernigan, the Director of Oklahoma County Social Services for all the hard work they put forth to organize this event.  

Also in attendance during an afternoon session were business, professional and tradespeople including homebuilders, developers, Realtors, physical therapists and bankers, all who were interested in the business opportunity created by the 73 million baby boomers who are looking for options in their later lives. 


Outcomes from the summit will include a report to the participating organizations that will indicate the services and resources seniors may need in choosing the type of housing that is right for them.  

A special shout out go to hosts, Blair and Christi for inviting Michael Thomas, FASID to participate in the event and for making his return trip to Central Oklahoma such a great success.  ;-)     



New ADA Rules Make Life Easier For Travelers

3/2/2012

 
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When new civil rights rules goes into effect, travelers who are disabled will find it easier to travel with greater access to accessible rooms. The ADA rules in effect will mean that hotels will need to first keep their accessible rooms for those who need them.  

I have occasionally been provided an accessible room in a hotel and certainly appreciate what it has to offer with wider doors, flat entries into showers, grab bars ( or what I would rather say: balance bars ) and quite frankly... just more open floor space.  It's too bad all rooms don't have such features.   And it's too bad that hotel property owners have not marketed their ADA-compliant rooms to such a targeted audience giving the hotel something special to offer their guests who require such features.

Prior to this ruling, hotels were required to have accessible rooms, but they weren’t required to block them for people that need them. The new regulations close that loophole – and that’s something that should have been done many years ago.  Now, it is not likely that I will get assigned to bunk in those very special places. 

Under the ADAAG rulings and starting on March 15, some long awaited access regulations will go into effect – The new regulations require US hotel properties to:
  • Identify and describe the accessible features in their guest rooms and public areas.
  • Ensure that guests can reserve accessible rooms in the same manner as non-accessible rooms.
  • Hold the accessible guest rooms for use by disabled guests, until all the other guest rooms of that type have been rented.
  • Block accessible rooms at the time of booking.


A Story Of Love and Choices Made

2/18/2012

 
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Here's a compelling story that I wanted to share.  

A very successful couple, Maggie and Joe,  well into their 80s, had never spent more than 2 weeks apart in their 58 years of marriage.  

And as they grew older together in the home they had built some 40 years ago, they determined that they should consider other suitable living arrangements rather than stay in their nearly 4,000 square foot well-appointed residence.  

They searched around for months, discussing the challenges of giving up a home they had raised five children in versus what services might be available in some extended higher-end care environment.   They finally decided to make a move. 

So they sold their home, moved into an independent living facility about 70 miles away and into a quite large two bedroom apartment.  Soon after, the Maggie had a stroke, a relatively mild one but still was something that needed attention for a short while.   

After some 10 days in the hospital, she would be released with her doctor's permission to return back home to be with her husband and companion.  But the administrators at the facility determined that she could not return back "home" as they determined she needed more attentive care including extensive physical therapy, much more than what her doctor had recommended and placed her in a full service nursing care environment, . . . away from her Joe.

Maggie and Joe were heart broken being apart. And though Joe could walk the two long blocks across the facility campus to see his Maggie once or twice a day for the next 6 months, it wasn't like having her around the house. He so missed that in-person 24/7 companionship he had experienced with Maggie but no longer would they share a bed.  

Four weeks ago, Maggie attempted to get out of her bed in the nursing home to go to the bathroom. She slipped on the floor just inside the bathroom. She died from hitting her head on the toilet. Staff did not find her body for three hours and sadly,....didn't notify Joe about what happened.  

He showed up the next morning to visit Maggie only to discover she was gone, literally.  

Joe is now alone. Alone in an environment that is far from what he and Maggie shared together previously.  Joe tries to remember life with Maggie by going thru old picture books, many filled with fading Polaroid photos of trips, of family and of their home.  He is filled with grief for loosing his wife, as one can imagine, but he also contemplates about how life might have turned out had they stayed in their own home, perhaps turning that third bedroom into a space for a caregiver to watch over the two of them. He blames himself for the decision to move. 

Aging in place is not about just safety and security in a home with few barriers.  It is about maintaining ones independence, choosing how life should be and who you should be with in those later years.  

RIP Maggie.  


 

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This Is Only Funny If You're Under 30.

2/7/2012

 
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Shortcuts To Texting When You Are Over 50.

2/2/2012

 
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Those young whipper snappers have all their little SMS codes, like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. 

So here are some codes for the more matured.....

ATD - At the Doctor's 
BFF - Best Friends Funeral 
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair 
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was 
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low 
GHA - Got Heartburn Again 
HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement 
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On? 
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To? 

And finally....

GGLKI -Gotta Go, Laxative Kickin In!


Aging In Place: Alive On Arrival

11/21/2011

 
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Oklahoma State University
I had the opportunity to visit the campus of Oklahoma State University for several days last week and what I learned is that aging in place is alive and well ~ at least for the students, OSU faculty and local Stillwater OK residents.  In addition to meeting the educators associated with the Human Sciences Department, I had the chance to engage with the students in the interior design program and provide some insight on the practice of design.  There was also a one hour workshop on aging in place at the School of Architecture for nearly 50 people who braved the cold to come out and learn more about this cultural evolution.

What was great about last week was the diverse groups of people I had the chance to meet who are all talking about aging in place - but from different points of view.  The gerontologists spoke of this topic from social barriers. Another group was creating an older 55 development in far west Stillwater and yet another group was planning a seniors co-housing community that is ready to break ground this week for the construction of 24 homes. Representatives from the United Way of Central Oklahoma also chimed into the conversation during the week long trip and spoke about a symposium they will hold in the Spring of 2012.  Students were being educated on creating residential spaces with an aging client.  There was even a financial consultant on hand in one meeting to share how elders were facing challenges in light of the current economic environment and what solutions there are for this group. 

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So while the American economy may have delayed many from taking a planned retirement, and some being forced to consider their future live and work environments, aging in place was on the lips of many in Stillwater, a community an hour north of Oklahoma City.   

If there was a lesson to be learned from the experience to engage with such a diverse audience, it was this:  There is a need to create a larger conversation and venue among all the parties who see this evolution as something more than just a trend.  It is an opportunity to raise the standard of life and quality of care for millions.   

With 76 million baby boomers contemplating their retirement and with the previous generation living longer years, we have an obligation to create all sorts of spaces that will support and sustain a quality of life that allows one to choose independence over dependence.

Imagine the possibilities to bring together designers, architects, builders, financial planners, real estate professionals, occupational and physical therapists and gerontologists together. Just imagine the outcomes as these groups cross pollenate and as a result the development of programs to educate the elders and boomers about their options as they look to their later years.  And imagine the support that could be created by joining forces to help those with limited abilities to stay in a place of their choosing and at a cost they can afford,... saving the taxpayer in the long run from having to provide the resources to institutionalize so many.

As Ted Drab, ASID, OSU senior professor and educator stated during at the conclusion of last week's activities, "Your trip to OSU was to be a catalyst to get the departments of human sciences to start talking with one another and you helped us succeed."  But the amazing things was that the conversation grew rapidly to include so many outside the OSU design department and it clearly shows that Aging In Place is alive and well. 

In My Opinion: Age Is About Attitude.

10/6/2011

 
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People are certainly challenged by circumstances and situations as they grow older.  But what we sometimes fail to remember is that people are also challenged by attitudes. No one wants to feel that they are not in control of their own lives and not personally able to take care of oneself.  Because of issues with health, the ability to live an independent elder life is not always as easy as one would like.  And while one may have to make sacrifices, one thing remains: You don't have to give up how you approach these significant times as long as you have the right frame of mind and a good attitude. 

Call it the power of positive expectations.  
Call it  positive thinking.  
Call it using your cane to beat the daylights out of someone who wants to take you out of your life of quiet solitude and independence long before you need to because they know what's best for you.  

The speaker and author Brian Tracey says.... “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” 

This issues of "attitude" is likely.. no, make that very probably “the” biggest issue in getting older, particularly as I have discovered with Baby Boomers.  Certainly science can help boomers live longer.  Assistive devices can make residential environments safer to live in. Removing physical barriers provides more accessibility. But we must also address the cultural attitudes that “getting older” means only crippled and feeble.   

As we live older and active elder existences, perhaps the change of attitude starts with those who are facing it square on, not give in to the opinions of others and give those who consider anyone older than 50 the middle finger. 

How's that for attitude?
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    Michael A. Thomas, FASID, interior designer in Phoenix, AZ
    Michael A. Thomas, FASID

    Welcome To This Boomer's Design Blog!

    Michael A. Thomas, FASID is an author, writer and interior designer who as a caregiver developed a passion for creating homes without barriers, maximizing the independence of his clients and having a little fun along the way.  
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    Feel free to contribute your thoughts in this blog.
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    Co-Author: Residential Design For Aging In Place.  To learn more, CLICK HERE. 


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